The image of Michael Lohan blowing his lumpy man chowder into a plastic cup is not what I needed today. Barf. You know that shit is like Campbell's chunky New England clam chowder. Double barf. Anygross, Michael told E! News that he gave a DNA sample this morning for a paternity ...

Becks is seriously too hot to have a voice that sounds like Gay Al screeching while getting his mini-donut tickled. You know the joke that if you kick a dude in his nuts, his voice gets like Minnie Mouse on helium? Do you think the opposite will happen to Becks? ...

Last night in Los Angeles, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army made its worldwide premiere, attracting the hot chicks from their poolsides...

I must have been naive in thinking that I would never hear the name "Kristy Likes Cocks" ever again. It's true that sometimes she haunts my nightmares, but I usually just wake up in a greasy sweat and take a Simply Sleep. Unfortunately, all the Simply Sleep pills in the ...

† what's up with my dear (but wacky) courtney love being pushed in a shopping cart?!? celebslam † the always crazy, sexy, & cool juliette lewis celebrated her 35th birthday! webster's is my bitch † pamela anderson said she thinks jessica simpson is a bitch AND a whore (catfight!) dlisted † if it's ...

Nicole Kidman is due to pop out her pillow baby sometime soon and she's created the perfect soundtrack for when she goes into labor. Only Nicky Kidman would do this kind of shit. A source said, "Nicole has been putting together CDs of music to listen to during labor. She ...

First of all, this is a spoiler for last night's HGTV's Design Star. I'm not sure who might be spoiled since I'm the only dumb bitch who watches this low-rent poopie. Last night, busted-gay-faced Michael was sent packing and the news had him crying for mommy. Seriously, he burst into ...

Sienna Miller's got a lightning fast vagina. It wastes no time in finding another peen to keep it warm. It seemed like it was only minutes ago that Sienna dumped that Rhys Ifans dude and she's already linked to another dude. And that other dude is married! Hey, a dick ...

A bunch of whores in Madrid put on a fashion show on the streets to show shop owners and the public that they aren't a threat to the community. Friendly whores! And when I say "whores," I mean actual whores. You know, bitches who get paid to suck dick and ...

Ugh. I wish I could unsee these Britney Spears upskirt pictures, but sadly I cannot. So I'm inflicting them upon you instead. Hey, if I can't be happy, nobody can. Anyway, here's Britney on another night out, and even...