I hope Lynne Spears is on the phone with fucking Jackie Collins, because it sounds like her book is going to need some major rewrites before its release next week. Last week, it was reported that Lynne wrote about Brit Brit’s drug use, virginity and boozing in her new book. Well, none of that shit is in there. Her book just went from “a good toilet read” to “toilet paper.”

The publisher said that Lynne’s book of crap is not a tell-all or a parenting book. Instead, “Through the Storm” is “an inspirational tale of a mother who struggles to keep faith at the center of her life.” If I wanted “inspirational tales,” I’d watch the Hallmark Movie Channel. Seriously, those movies make me want to bake cookies from scratch and turn my apartment into a halfway house for wayward young girls.

Even though Brit Brit’s cherry poppin’ tales aren’t in the book, she’s still pissed off at her mom for releasing it. Page Six reports that she’s only talking to Daddy Spears now. Brit blames Lynne for most of her problems and issues.

Lynne has chitterlings for brains. If you’re going to whore out your kids, at least do it right. Don’t half-ass it! Spill all of their dirty secrets and make sure to include a lot of scandalous pictures! Nobody cares about her stupid “inspirational tales.”