I’m liveblogging the MTV VMAs tonight, so we can all torture ourselves together. Use one hand to hold mine and the other hand to hold an economy-sized bottle of vodka. You’re going to need it. If you don’t have any booze in the house, then rubbing alcohol and cough syrup will do. If you don’t even have that, then cut a little Drano with some tap water. Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. And did you remember to make a very special Flaming Cheeto Loaf for this very occasion? If not, put one in the fucking oven and join me after the jump. JUMP!!!

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